Monthly Archives: April 2013
Ha HA! I have learned the 4 kings who always stick together, and “you tell me which ones are red, and which ones are black.” So that’s two.
Now imagine I just shouted that in your ear.
Yeah, you heard me.
When I put “run a marathon of sorts” on my list of Things To Do, I knew so little about running and marathons that I thought this was a perfectly reasonable goal. I honestly had no idea that the actual definition of “marathon” was “42.195 kilometres (26 miles and 385 yards).” Which is several more than what I was thinking. So I signed up for a charity 5k to take place in May, with all proceeds going to research for kids with cancer (click here if you would like to donate, and also I love you), and which is way more in the spirit I had intended that original goal to be (reasonably short, and reasonably charitable). With that, I considered the list item all but complete; I mean, sure, I’d have to actually run the race, but I didn’t even have a time goal. If I decided to crab-walk or Breakfast-Club-shuffle the whole way, #56 would still be complete as of May 26th.
And as May 26th drew nearer, and I started to actually do some running, I got interested in the whole marathon culture; the 5ks, the 10ks, the half marathons, the full marathons; the walkers, the joggers, the runners. And I started playing with the idea of maybe, one of these days, when the time is right, at some point, thinking about perhaps training for one myself.
Right now, I have had no luck finding a job. I find myself in the default setting of the modern 20-somethings these days: drifting. I’m living at home again. I’m not ready to go back to school, but I’m not ready to settle into a career. I’m over-qualified for the work I want to do right now, and under-qualified for the jobs that everybody thinks I should have. I’m trying to save money for the next step, but in which direction is that step going to be?
You know. The usual.
I’m really good with big ideas. I’m really bad with figuring out how to make them happen before spiraling into an overwhelmed basket-case of depression and self-utter-loathing. “How dare you set yet another goal for yourself and not achieve it? God, you’re utterly useless.” I want to be a marine biologist, or a travel writer, or a photographer, or a genetic counselor. Or all of those things. I want to be finished my B.Sc. I want to finish writing my book. I want to start that travel website. This isn’t a new thing. Sometimes my life feels like a trail of half-finished or discarded projects. When I was in middle school, I wanted to start the “Cids Can Do Anything Club.” We were going to raise money for charity and collect the tabs off coke cans for wheelchairs, and we spelled Kids with a C because a 10 year old Donna thought it was clever. In high school, I wanted to sell Creative Memories supplies and host scrapbooking meetings, but I never even made enough money to pay for the first sales kit. I haven’t yet managed to read 52 books for the CBR. It’s been 10 years and I haven’t cleaned my room. I’m just filled with the best of intentions.
I’ve always wanted to be doing big things, great things. I tested high in IQ, and I thought that meant I’d be finished grad school by now. Instead, I can’t even get hired by McDonald’s. I don’t apply for awesome internships or challenging workplaces because I cannot see myself succeeding in them. All I see is myself letting everybody down. I see in my future an under-realised life. I’ll work temp jobs for a while, I’ll be the crazy aunt in scarves, I’ll end up getting a small apartment and dying alone with my dogs, probably in a bit of debt. It will have been a reasonably happy, mostly mediocre life. My family and friends will be sad, and in 5 years, it will be like I was never on Earth.
So there’s not much going on in my life right now. I’m 4 years from 30 (only 4 years? already 4 years?). I need a goal. I need a self-esteem boost. I need something to do for the next 6 months. The time is right, and the time is now.
I am running a marathon.
All 42.195 kilometers of it.
And I’m sharing it with family, close personal friends, and complete strangers on the internet because I need to believe it.
I’m keeping track of my progress through Spark People and a journal, I’ve got my obnoxiously coloured running shoes, my treadmill, and my mp3 player filled with episodes of Cabin Pressure. I’m using The Non-Runner’s Marathon Trainer, because – duh, and I have absolutely no goals with regards to time. This is my first marathon. My only goal is to finish, and to prove to myself that I can.
And if you have anything skeptical or hostile to say about that, you can shove it.
I have seen the first 5 minutes of GoodFellas about 25 times, now.
This is the hardest time I have ever had trying to watch a movie. It’s not on Netflix (US or Canada) or Hulu. That’s fine, I’ll stream it. Nope, none of the streaming links work, and the ones that do are way too jerky. It’s probably my computer’s fault. I’ll restart and it will be the only window open. Nope, still not working. Fine, I will rent it on iTunes. Forgot the password. Forgot the credit card code. Reminded of password! Remembered credit card code! FINALLY it’s downloaded! No, it hasn’t. Why isn’t it downloading? Restart the computer. It works! No it doesn’t. Play. Play. Play? PLAY! Why isn’t it playing? The computer froze. Ok, I’ll try again. It works! Nope, it doesn’t seem to have loaded past the first few minutes. I’ll try logging out and logging in. It works!
NO IT DOESN’T!
Anyway, thankfully I finally got it to play the whole movie, all scenes in a row. Figures that the beginning scene is the one scene in the entire movie that is repeated. Twenty six times. There were a couple more hiccups, where I lost sound and the picture froze, then jumped forward a scene or two, but with some careful rewinding and only minimal breaking of ALL AVAILABLE OBJECTS IN MY SURROUNDING AREA, I have finally completed GoodFellas.
I like this reviewing movies via list. I think I’m going to make it a thing.
- Not sure if it’s blasphemous or hipster-cool or whateverthehellyouwanttojudgemeby to say this, but GoodFellas was SO much better than The Godfather. If only this one was in trilogy form, I might watch all three. As it is, I’m still having trouble working myself up to watch the next two Godfathers.
- Just by watching GoodFellas, the entire foundation of pop culture seems to have been laid bare for me. Contemporary American Poultry, for one, suddenly makes a lot more sense. Also every reference to the mob I have ever seen on my TV screen ever. No biggie.
- I have Layla stuck in my head. Oh well, things could be worse.
Also, FYI, I am now 14.5 books into my shelf, so even if I haven’t finished much on the List in the last few weeks, I have been plugging away. I have also been getting sidetracked by Raising Hope and Elementary (thanks to the omnipotent, brilliant, and fantastically beautiful Nataly, and also fever dreams). So you know, important, life-affirming things. Being unemployed and aimless is awesome!