Reliving Old Experiences with Nice Guys
I’m posting this here as an supplement to a facebook entry on Nice Guys, inspired by an article on Pajiba.com
What follows is a lightly edited version of a private Livejournal entry I wrote on December 24th, 2006. Names have been altered. Nothing else has. Some comments have been added. It was 10 years ago, please judge the writing style and naive idiocy thusly.
Remember Nice Guy, the guy that asked me out on a date a couple of months ago? Who I (for lack of a better word) broke up with on the SECOND outing (i.e. After one date; can you “break up” with someone you’ve never really started seeing?)? Back in the beginning of September that was, I believe.
Validation is really, really nice. I like being right, and boy was I right about him.
So after I told him that I just wanted to be friends, that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and, when he offered to help me put the beans in my new bean bag chair way back when, I said (and this is almost word-for-word) that I didn’t want him to help if he was going to take that as a message that was pro-relationship, and I didn’t want him to think I was taking advantage. I think that was pretty clear. Short of saying “I hate you, you pain in the ass,” I really don’t think I could have been more clear. (Oh, poor, sweet, innocent baby Donna.)
My name, in this first msn conversation, was “> smile away ~ actually working, please do not talk,” while his was a notably creative “Nice Guy’s Real Name.” This is copy/pasted, by the way. I even left in my typos.
Nice Guy: ohhh thats just retarded
Me: excuse me?
Nice Guy: I’m joking
Me: yes, but about what?
Nice Guy: your name
Nice Guy: so wutsss new
Me: I’m working
Me: would have thought that was fairly obvious
Nice Guy: ahhhh man
Nice Guy: I’m just not sure about u
Nice Guy: ohh my god…. so unfortunaly I’m using an older msn with no eye rolling emoticon
Me: seriously, what aren’t you sure about
Me: I;m no mind reader
Nice Guy: So I’ve been involved with some other girls heh, as one can gather I was on the hunt from the start
Me: that’s great
Nice Guy: I just don’t get how u don’t even contact me as a friend like ur scared that I’m still after u or sumthing
Me: no, I just haven’t been talking to anyone lately
Me: first it was midterms and now it’s all the projects
Me: ask anyone
Me: I haven’t talked to mutual acquaintance either
Nice Guy: lol welll…
Nice Guy: u and her r dffrnt types of gals in all due honesty
Me: okay then.
Nice Guy: well I dunno
Nice Guy: she’s not like u
Nice Guy: ur not like her <note>Thank you Nice Guy for that illuminating comment.</note>
Nice Guy: I gotta sleep though <note>Clearly.</note>
Me: don’t be afraid to msn me when I’m on <note>This was our first msn conversation, when I was still trying to push the “friends” angle. (UGH YOU IDIOT NO DON’T DO IT) </note>
Me: I’m just rarely on
Aaand msn conversation number two:
Nice Guy: yo
Me: what’s new?
Me: do you not go to fencing anymore?
Nice Guy: ahhh man I don’t got time for that crap lol
Nice Guy: I am on the team though
Nice Guy: number 5 or 6
Nice Guy: I could have got 3 but I just was to tardy about going to try outs
Me: foil, right?
Nice Guy: yep
Nice Guy: that little name of some guy guy made it onto the top 3
Nice Guy: I can stand him <note>Oh, you *can* stand him can you? That’s definitely statement-worthy.</note>
Nice Guy: well he’s very up tight and consceitiuos <note>consceitiuos? Does anyone have a Moron-to-English dictionary?</note>
Nice Guy: or how ever the hell us pell that <note>Well, you were close. If by close you mean not close at all.</note>
Me: I don’t think I know him
Nice Guy: he made it on becuz he showed up to every tryout and did the entire thing
Nice Guy: I only ran the laps once <note>I wonder if he remembers that I was there? He ran the laps at least twice. Oh, and also? I don’t care.</note>
Nice Guy: other then that I showed up late and dueled
Nice Guy: Name of some guy is like this very uptight, ahhh it’s hard to explain… I never get along well with guys like him
Me: how’s school going, then?
Nice Guy: ohhhh it could be better
Nice Guy: I was with this chinese girl for all of october and that distracted me from my studies
Nice Guy: hows ur school going
Me: essay due monday, haven’t started <note>As you can see, university has really improved my procrastination skills. Sigh, well, that’s depressing. </note>
Nice Guy: yeah… I’m ina similar pickle
Nice Guy: So are you still staying away from the social life or what
Me: as much as I can
Me: me and a few of the fencing people go out to pub nights once in a while
Nice Guy: well thats good
Nice Guy: see I just can’t live life that way
Nice Guy: I’ve tried to live life really introverted liek that I just can’t
Me: to each their own
Nice Guy: ya don’t think the way u live is a mistake?
Me: of course not
Nice Guy: see I’ve been goin after alot of women, I need women, or at least one real good one, but like how can you live a man free life <note>Wow. So now not liking him means that I wish to live a man-free life. That’s right.</note>
Me: who said anything about a man-free life
Me: I just said I don’t like to party a lot
Nice Guy: well… people party for one reson as far as I’m concerend lol
Nice Guy: okay well forget that
Nice Guy: well I dunno have u met any guys r wut
<note> DO NOT ENGAGE. I think I knew that even back then, because this was my note-to-self at the time: And this is where I get stupid. I blame lack of sleep. Please don’t judge me. Please, for the love of God, don’t judge me.</note> Me: one guy asked me out
Me: but I have a huge crush on someone else that I’m just waiting to go away because it’s never going to happen
Nice Guy: phht make it happen
Me: yeah right
Nice Guy: u already missed one boat with me (I don’t care if that arogent I’m sayin it) why miss another one
Me: missed a boat?
Me: ok then
Me: because the guy is older, probably has a girlffriend, and it’s just embarassing
Me: when the right thing happens, it’ll happen <note>Trying to dig my way out of it…</note>
Nice Guy: who is this guy
Me: why does it matter <note>Still digging…</note>
Nice Guy: hahah don’t tell me it;s some knob at fencing
Me: im not saying a thing <note>My grammar suffers when I realise my idiocy.</note>
Nice Guy: lol is it name of guy I had a truly massive crush on <note>Oh, shit.</note>
Me: as I said – not saying anything
Nice Guy: what do u think I’m gunna do go tell them <note>Ok, I seriously would not put it past you.</note>
Me: I just don’t want to type the name
Nice Guy: I probably don’t know the name <note>Oh thank God.</note>
Nice Guy: and ya u missed a boat, I did a poor job of pulling your strings, I was off my game at that moment in time, but what ever I shouldn’t have wasted my time on u… I’v been meaning to express this negative sentiment for a while <note>Oh, we’re back to that again?</note>
Me: man, relax
Me: it’s not an ego attack if it just doesn’t work out <b>It is now, however, turning into an ego attack.</B>
Nice Guy: I can be mean and relaxed all at once*-)
Nice Guy: I’m not sure u have a good impression of me <note>Can’t imagine why</note>… I swear I must have split personalities <note>That is the least of your problems, I think.</note>
Nice Guy: either that or I’m just deceitfull and a good actor
Nice Guy: see when I was seeing u I wasn’t afraid to play up my geeky side cuz I see u as a geek, where as the chinese girl would have seen me as a total ladies man <note>…I have no words for this. Still don’t. </note>
Me: well, when I see you I behave normally, and when I see other nameless guy I behave normally, although maybe a little more klutzy
Me: so no. I don’t get that
Nice Guy: like u I am a brainiac and half of these people wouldn’t have the slightest clue <note>I…it…wa…wow. Yes. Yes you are. And you aren’t being at all consceitiuos or arogent in saying so.</note>
Nice Guy: I swaer to god I have multiple personalities
Nice Guy: any ways talking with u puts me off my game|-) I have a club to get to tonite:)…
Me: ok then
And then I blocked and deleted him.
I deleted the first e-mail, sent a while back, which was basically him saying he was “checking up on me,” was “fine with just being friends,” and that I should talk to him more, because he’s not “after me” at all, now, and he’s been with plenty of different women.
I have not deleted this one, on advice, so that I can use it as a “paper trail” in case things get serious.
“Hey heres the deal I’m not gunna go into extrenuating detail, but when we first went out the signals you gave were pro relationship signals, and then the second time you said that at first you thought to your self you’d like a relationship (although you were still officialy undecided) and then as the week moved on you figured other wise because of school and shit- hence you telling me the second time that all you were looking for was friendship, but that maybe then it could evolve into a relationship, ya don’t fuckin try and let me down easy like that, understand woman? ya play it straight up ya don’t jerk me around you got that? Ya make your point clear and understandable ya don’t use indirect feminine bullshit with me, I’m to far out of your leauge for you to be able to deal with me in that way.
then the third time I saw you in the caf you denied that and said that you had always said you weren’t sure and that you had never said that “at first you thought you might like a relationship” well you said that I know for a fact ya did. Well that was always the explicit, but in terms of the implicit you jerked me around, now heres the deal, ya don’t try and let me down easy ya don’t play games with me, ya don’t change your story around and jerk me around. When I met you I was off my game, I did a poor job of manipulating you, plain and simple, you should only be so lucky as to have met me in a more flirtogenic mindset when I could have charmed you better because ur lucky I gave you the time of day to begin with. The truth is I’m outa ur leauge, Some how I failed to realize that at the time.
heh just felt like sayin all that!
and any replies you send will suffer the indignity of being deleted on sight”
You all hear that? He’s “to” far out of my league! What was I thinking, dumping this guy? This e-mail has clearly caused me to immediately change my mind. Take me back Nice Guy! Please do! SO THAT I CAN TEACH YOU THE GLORY THAT IS GRAMMAR AND SPELLING, AND PERHAPS MURDER YOU WITH THE DICTIONARY. AND NO WEENIE LITTLE POCKET DICTIONARY, EITHER; YOU’RE GETTING THE FULL-ON OXFORD TREATMENT, YOU FOOL.
Good lord, I am actually shaking with anger from this right now. Because not ONE fucking thing in that e-mail is true.
The thing that gets me most is that this is all e-mail and msn — no telephone or face-to-face conversations. Which means first he had to think the words. Then type them. Then they were there in front of his face and could easily be reread. And yet he pressed the send button anyway. In what universe would one think that this was an okay thing to write? Can he simply not TELL that he’s making a complete and total ass of himself with every new word? Frankly, it is BEYOND ME, at this point.
No, this has not been my only university experience, but it IS the only one I feel the need to vent about. I am, however, calm now.
Just keeping the following in out of nostalgia. Ah, HP fandom.
I’m working on some HP fanart right now, but who knows when that’ll be done. It’s one of the requests I’ve had on the back burner for…an amount of time I would not like to specify.